The Truth of My Life Now

This is thetruth of my life – right now, today, this moment” – that I find myself being pushed towards the precipice of a mountain or at times towards the edge of the shore.

And it scares me. I feel so alone and weak.

What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”

–Muriel Rukeyser

Lately you see, a confluence of several factors is challenging my inner peace. Things that just came up unexpectedly, without warning. Continue reading “The Truth of My Life Now”

A Mother’s Day Special

Mother’s Day is just a week away, and I ask myself, what could be a fitting way to honor and give tribute to my beloved Mom this year? It’s been four years since she’s been gone, but I still miss her dearly.

So I’ve thought of sharing a roundup of some of my previous pieces I wrote about my mother, as my Mother’s Day Special. Here they are:

Leftovers: Cherished Thoughts of Yesterday  – This is my first piece about Mom. Sadly, over two months later, she passed without this reaching her.

How I wish I had let her read this soon after I wrote it, so she would know I finally understood the reason behind her “penchant for collecting, never discarding, her old stuff,”  a bone of contention between us sometimes.

Loving Me, Loving Mom, Loving God – my tribute to my Mom’s strong influence on me, her “passion for living, for she indeed was a woman oozing with confidence and grit…”

When Death Gently Waits, God’s Grace Suffices – My way of making sense of her death and a description of my Mom’s strong, unwavering faith in God, persisting until the end even when pain overwhelmed her physical being. “That was the start of her final days here on earth, and Death waited for her gently until she was ready for her purification … her grace from God…”

As a finale, here is the best loved Filipino lullaby, “Sa Ugoy ng Duyan,” an immortal song that never fails to move to tears anyone like me who loves and misses their mother.

Sa Ugoy ng Duyan

The meaning of the Tagalog phrase “Sa Ugoy ng Duyan” in the literal sense is “In the Rocking of the Cradle.” The song’s official English title is “The Sway of the baby Hammock.”  This is a Filipino lullaby, the most popular collaboration of two National Artists of the Philippines: Lucio San Pedro for the music and Levi Celerio for the lyrics.  Read more at Wikipedia

What fond memories or stories do you have about your mothers? I’d love to hear from you , dear readers. Do share them here.

 

From the Shadow of Failure

“I work continuously within the shadow of failure. For every novel that makes it to my publisher’s desk, there are at least five or six that died on the way.” – Gail Godwin

Failure is part of the human experience. No one is immune from it, not even the great ones. The most important thing is how to let failure pave the way to a new beginning.

I remember that one time early on in my teaching career when I thought I was doing fine, until a student of mine pointed out that she was not learning much from me. Continue reading “From the Shadow of Failure”

On Walking in Solitude

In response to an article by Brain Pickings, Walking as Creative Fuel: A Splendid 1913 Celebration of How Solitary Walks Enliven “The Country of the Mind” , here is a thought or two.

Walking in solitude — nice thought! How I so wish I could take up walking as a regular activity.

Yet, I’ve never been much of an active walker, such as described here.

But I remember enjoying my long walks inside the university in my college days, as well as in my years of studying and teaching in another university. Unhurried walks when I wasn’t running for time for my classes or at the end of the day – going back home – were indeed a respite for my tired mind and body. Continue reading “On Walking in Solitude”

On Losing Momentum

When I stop – or lose — my momentum, I seem to also lose my sense of balance.

It is much like catching my breath after a few minutes of brisk walk or short run, then finding myself struggling to get up and go.

My mind is engulfed by a huge vacuum from which I cannot escape – leaving me powerless to take off from where I left.

A specific example, one which often challenges me – is writing.

After losing my momentum at a certain point, whatever ideas, fragments of thoughts and feelings, seem to have gathered up in a haze.

“fragments of thoughts and feelings, seem to have gathered up in a haze”

Getting stuck

Thus that awful empty, white space stares back at me from my computer screen or my journal page, crying out to be filled. But I remain stuck, my creative juices drained.

So an inner battle ensues. That certain mood to get myself back into the flow of things seems hard to catch again. Continue reading “On Losing Momentum”

Life’s Golden Hour

The golden hour occurs twice each day, in the early morning just after dawn’s blue hour. At the first golden hour of the day, the sun has started to rise in the east and cast its glow.

At morn’s golden hour, you feel a tinge of warmth, if you happen to be outdoors, and if looking from the inside, you can observe everything to be cool yet there is a promise of a bright, warm or sweltering day.

In the late afternoon, the day’s golden hour occurs just before the blue hour this time. The scorching sun is no more, its warmth already tame upon your skin, its reflection bathes the environment with long soft beams of light.

This day’s afterglow lends a certain radiance and coolness around that sorts of warms the heart — so unlike that of the morning’s golden hour.

Just to clarify,  I’ve only started to know and appreciate this beautiful moment –being a novice photographer, or simply a photography enthusiast who’d like to take photos with a little more skill.

my 1st feeble attempt at the Golden Hour

So my golden hour shots still leave much to be desired — but am enjoying the process of learning. I find myself awaiting this precious moment almost spontaneously.

Afternoon glow

I like how the golden hour creates a different kind of beauty each time, bringing a different color or mood to the surroundings: both a promise and a hope; a call to rise and shine and do your best, and a call to slow down, relax, and hope for another sunny day.

So it is with our life’s golden hour. The rhythm of the golden hour offers something for us to ponder.

Our beautiful moments fleet by and everything in between is just temporary. Things may be good or bad, happy or sad. Yet at the end of the day, there is hope things will become better.  We can always hope — like each day is always beautiful no matter if there is a storm coming our way.

It is just how we deal with what life’s throws at us that sometimes create all the chaos around or within us.

Life’s golden hour is also a time to pause, reflect, and plan to do better and be a better person. Just like I’m finding it inspiring to take better golden hour shots each time I try. Still a long shot for me — as you can see from all these amateur shots — but I keep the hope.

Just trying to catch the glint of the sun upon those structures…

So when you’re feeling a bit down, just look at the sun.

 

 

 

 

9 Nuggets of Wisdom Harvested from Farmville

For some years, I was busy planting crops, fruit trees, vegetables and a rich variety of plants on my moderate-sized farm, which I also surrounded with ornamental plants, shrubs, and trees to make my farm look inviting.

I also raised farm animals, like hens, cows, pigs, horses, and took care of some domesticated animals like cats. Through time, I was able to grow my farm, even building structures inside, until it looked more like an estate fit for royalty. <BIG Laugh> Continue reading “9 Nuggets of Wisdom Harvested from Farmville”

Embracing Aloneness

I enjoy being alone. I’ve gotten used to it by now.

With adult children leading their own busy lives, this is just how my life is. Being alone most of the time.

But because I come from a big family myself, sometimes I can’t help feeling lonely.

I still long for company at mealtimes, or when I feel a conversation with another human being is more palatable than talking with my plants, or the occasional lizard that makes itself visible to me. Continue reading “Embracing Aloneness”

Cherished Habit

“Above all, do not lose your desire to walk: Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness; I have walked myself into my best thoughts.” –Soren Kierkegaard

I like this quote…how it sounds like and resonates with my idea of being able to relax, with nothing in mind, but just being in the moment -without even having to think about finding myself.

Especially since I have moved into a community where walking is inescapable. Almost everything I need is within short walking distance. This makes me imagine I am in another place. Continue reading “Cherished Habit”

“I’m Busy Now”

How many times have you received this response from someone you’ve been counting on – for company, or support, or a listening ear?

Perhaps not just once, and most likely, you might have also given such response to someone you want to fend off.

Yes. This is often the lame excuse we give anyone who we deem as a burden on our time. Most of us are guilty of doing this – rebuffing someone. Continue reading ““I’m Busy Now””