Embracing Aloneness

I enjoy being alone. I’ve gotten used to it by now.

With two adult children leading their own busy lives, this is just how my life is. Being alone most of the time.

But because I come from a big family myself, sometimes I can’t help feeling lonely.

I still long for company at mealtimes, or when I feel a conversation with another human being is more palatable than talking with my plants, or the occasional lizard that makes itself visible to me.

This reminds me. Lizards are such friendly creatures. They mean no harm when they jump at you. You only scare them. That’s why.

A lizard can recognize you as somebody familiar – and if it knows you are not out to harm it, will even greet you when it sees you. How? It looks you straight in the eye; does not run away from you. It even inches closer to you — all because it knows it’s safe with you. You are a friend.

Going back to being alone, I find ways to balance the need for companionship by staying connected with family and friends. Plus the fact I still have a myriad of things to do to occupy my hours with.

I remember taking photographs of lizards in the house, and one lovely creature at a mall. You see, I feel like I’ve developed a special bond with these quiet beings that they’ve become among my willing subjects!

Truth is I do feel really lonely at times, but I just amuse myself in that way. Soon my loneliness dissipates; I’m back again to savoring my alone-time, and embracing my aloneness.

With that said, being alone doesn’t necessarily make you feel lonely. But this can also be hard for some, I understand, like parents who have to deal with the empty-nest syndrome, for example.

So here comes the value of having your own life. Of keeping your own circle of friends.

Of dreaming and fulfilling your goals; of pursuing your own interests and passions.

Carve your own life.

Most of all, do Not become too dependent on others for your personal happiness. Sounds harsh?

Think again.

If you are able to embrace your aloneness, you become stronger. Instead of depending too much on others for becoming happy, you can draw upon your interior strength and joy.

Do not define yourself as being somebody for another one – that is, you are not just a daughter, nor a sibling, nor a wife or a mother – to the point of losing your own identity.

Do not limit yourself to the roles you’ve designated for yourself, or to the expectations society has of you. You are your own person.

On the other hand, you may have company, but if you are just like a moving shadow to people around you, then that must be quite hurtful. Have you ever experienced being treated this way?  It can happen. You may or may not have a role in it. Not everything can be under your control, too.

The point is, you need to grow from your need to be with people around you. You should learn to appreciate your solitude. As one apt quote says: “But many of us seek community solely to escape the fear of being alone. Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” 

To sum up, you can be alone without being lonely. You can find ways to still remain happy and fulfilled just being by your lonesome. Accept being alone, and become enriched by your new experiences.